I don’t like to be still. Once, my Irish college roommate scolded me for “hoovering” the carpet at 9am. Apparently, this is early for college students, but I had been up for hours.
I don’t like to be still. A two-hour movie is often too much of a commitment for me.
I don’t like to be still. I can’t remember ever being bored. I can usually find something to do. In fact, most times I feel like I have TOO MUCH to do. I’m often thinking of my “next step.” At breakfast, I’m thinking of what I’ll have for lunch. I finish a 5k and I can’t wait to run the next. I often think about what I need to do in order to fulfill my purpose in life.
Last year I thought my purpose was to become a Southern belle. (If you haven’t read ‘Dealing with Disappointment’, go back a few blog posts.) I had been so wrong about what I thought God was doing in my life. Since then, I have had such a hard time discerning what His plan is for me.
Recently, I had an opportunity to apply for a part-time job at a Christian preschool, housed in the church where we currently attend. After a great deal of thought & discussion, Earl & I decided this was not the best time for me to take on more responsibility. My decision does not reflect how I feel about the school. I adore this little school and it has been a huge blessing to my family. I’ve had those moments when I feel like God wants me to roll with something. It usually involves doing something that I said I would never do (like leading worship at church, like running, like blogging!). I get really excited & very passionate right away, but I just wasn’t feeling it here. I spoke to the current director regarding my decision and also about my problem with discernment. He said, “It sounds like God just wants you to be still.”
Be still? I don’t like to be still. For me, being still isn’t very exciting. If I’m still, that means I’m not moving. Not moving to Texas, not moving to a house that would bring us closer to campus and not traveling to Africa any time soon.
But his words resonated with me and I haven’t been able to get them out of my mind. Be still. Take time to listen. For a period of time, declutter your mind from all of the unnecessary stuff. Be content where you are right now because this is where you belong. Be still. I hadn’t really tried that before.
I’ve had two surgeries since January. That’s one way to get someone to be still. For so long, I was trying to fight it. Now I get it. And it’s refreshing. In a way, it’s a burden that has been lifted, because my plate is full.
The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. – Psalm 23:1-3
Isn’t that awesome?! He MAKES me lie down. He LEADS me to still waters. He wants me to be still. I think I’ll give it a try.